Is it an age thing, a hormone thing, a mental health thing, a life thing. Tears catch me, betray my attempts to remain or regain strength.
On Wednesday my big Sis and I, as an unplanned thing, shot off into town to get ahead with our festive doings and as we turned the corner heading towards the shopping center I could hear the familiar strains floating across the air and I could do nothing to stop the tears from falling, trying hard not to let my voice catch, but it was futile. The Salvation Army Band always puts me in mind of my Dad, he enjoyed listening to them and would purposefully come with Mum and me into town when we did our seasons gatherings. On Wednesday they were playing Silent Night and that will forever bring our beloved pooch Ruben to my mind and when we lost him, it was December 25th 2010, he was in the animal hospital and in the evening ‘that’ decision had to be taken, ‘that’ phone call occured. We knew roughly what time he would be put to sleep and at that moment, in the programme we were watching they started singing that carol and it seemed to be the last straw for me and my sister to hold our distress [my tears are rolling as I type].
But it can be the sentiment of an advert, or the ‘happy ever after’ of a film, the touching moment in a book, or even some memory recalled as a tune comes on air – the ducts begin to swell and threaten to deposit their contents down my cheeks.
There are times when I am in bed and restless, sleep evading me and I will feel the sensation bubble up and I will cry, often my mind is in grief over something that has gone or changed.
I never used to be this way, i was the non-cryer, often angry or fight in spirit.
I guess it is just how things have changed.
Just Me, Nobody Special 
la_spice
November 22, 2014 at 5:19 pm
*passes the tissue box*
A good old bleb does one the world of good ~x~
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amgroves
November 23, 2014 at 2:06 pm
I do rather like a good cry at the end of a damn fine movie – especially when it is a ‘based on true events’ one like Schindlers List or Amazing Grace etc.
but the Andrex puppy, really???
The Sainsbury WW! football advert has be in uber club mode …. *scratchhead*?????
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gillyk
November 22, 2014 at 5:36 pm
I agree with Spicey – tears are not a sign of weakness but a sign that the body is doing what the emotions need. Weep away, dearie … and have a hug. I’ve got a rainproof shoulder …
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amgroves
November 23, 2014 at 2:07 pm
Sometimes I know my tears and frustration or sorrow with my physical plight …… it is the sudden tears when watching something on tv or reading a book, the emotional investment in something fictional …. has me curious.
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Bushka
November 22, 2014 at 5:39 pm
Whatever sort of ‘thing’ it is…they can…and often are extremely therapeutic! Hugs! xx
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amgroves
November 23, 2014 at 2:08 pm
Yes, but I’d quite like some other sort of therapy for a little while :p xx
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Kim
November 22, 2014 at 8:12 pm
I am sorry you are sad. My faith gives me hope and joy despite life’s circumstances. I know that it is not something we share, but it gives me such hope and joy. I wish you were open to a relationship with God. His love for us knows no bounds. Knowing The Lord and learning from Him has helped me so much. It has changed all the negative feelings I had about myself and made me know that my life is worthwhile and I can make a difference. My heart aches to see you sad… Especially when I know how different your life could be. 😦
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amgroves
November 23, 2014 at 2:12 pm
I understand your prospective and I promise you I do listen and think, but I feel nothing, empty, alone when ever I consider our discussions in my quiet moments, like 2am when sleep evades.
Sad, yes I think I am sad, about how circumstantial changes have affected me on an emotional level, how my day-to-day enforces no respite.
Don’t feel bad or sad for me, it is rooted in circumstances and to a degree self inflicted. Had many many happy laughing years of joy and action, so guess the see-saw has swung the other way [and maybe got a bit stuck].
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KEGGY
November 22, 2014 at 9:34 pm
Hugs. Christmas often brings up many mixed feelings for lots of people. Xxx
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amgroves
November 23, 2014 at 2:16 pm
Indeed it does, I am working on a poem to post in Our Place nearer the yuletide.
My Mum was always left alone on Christmas Eve, for years and years I always thought it was so she could bake in peace [she produced a mountain of treats] when in truth she was remembering both her parents who died [13 years apart] on that day.
There is a pressure when we are adults that we should feel a certain way, that it is a time to be merry and jolly an revel in friendship and harmony, when in truth it is darn hard tiring work.
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Kim
November 23, 2014 at 3:37 pm
The more I read of what you write the more I find myself thinking that all of us look for a sense of fulfilment in living, a reason to live, to actually do something that will count for something. We all have what I believe is a ‘God-shaped-space” in our hearts that we almost always try to fill with other things. The trouble is, nothing else satisfies or fits. Everything seems futile and useless in the end.
This is what I have learned this past year. I misunderstood so many things, I chased after my own idea of fixation… only to find that it didn’t answer my questions or address my deepest heartfelt needs.
In all the years we have known each other… I hope that you know me well enough to realise I’m not some crackpot religious nut… That if I’ve found something true and meaningful — some wonderful treasure — that I want to share it with you. It has been beyond difficult not doing so… because I know this is real. It breaks my heart that you reject it out of hand, with no interest in delving into it for yourself. Nevertheless I must respect your right to say ‘no thanks’.
You are in my prayers every single day. I love you with all my heart, AM… I really do.
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