It was perfect timing and considering it was before my morning coffee I was rather on the ball.
Picture the scene, Carer was writing up the care book when my phone rang, because holding the thing is tiresome I hit the speakerphone button.
“Good morning, how are things today? Good I hope” announced the overly cheerful voice instantly putting me on guard.
“Well I’ve not had my coffee yet so…..” I cautiously reply
“I am calling because you are on our register as your property still has the old style loft insulation?”
“Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good” I over did the sound of concern
“Can you tell me if you’ve re-insulated your attic at all?”
“I don’t stick my head up there, I couldn’t say”
“Do you know if it is yellow or pink?”
“Like I said, I haven’t stuck my head up there”
“I see, how long have you lived there?”
By now my carer is giving me a few odd glances as confusion crosses her face
“Well as I said you might still have the old attic insulation and we can come out and survey to check and the talk through the various options”
“Latest research shows that effective insulation can reduce energy costs considerably”
“That’s very important with all these price increases”
“Our survey costs £170 but the Government will pay for that in certain cases. Can I ask which of these age brackets you fall into, 50-65, 65-85, 85+”
I thought about saying that it’s rude to ask a lady her age but instead I just said the first one.
“Excellent news, the survey will be free. Do you have pen and paper handy I will need to give you a reference number”
I pretended to grab something. Carer had gone from looking confused to thinking I’ve totally lost the plot.
“Okay, I’m ready, can I ask, when they come to survey the property will I need to give this to the Inspector?” it help to sound a little thick at times
“Yes, they will need it”
“Oh…..I better make sure I give it to the person upstairs, I live in a black of flats…….”
Phone went dead.
Carer burst out laughing.