2019

To say that 2019 has been an absolute horrid catastrophic year would be a cavernous understatement. Never at the beginning could I have foreseen the end, nor the hell in between.

I usually feel odd at the end of any given year. Many see it as a fresh page, the new beginning, the marker to strive forward. I just see it as another day, no different to the 31st, 17th or 4th. However, I’m not ready to let go of 2019, I don’t want to let go of what’s been lost. 2020 will be the first year without my Big Sis, and I am way far being ready for that. 2020 will be a year of more forced change and adapt as I try and find somewhere new to live and all the fraught difficulties that brings.

BFF and I are already planning some fun, hopefully when she visits we will over night in the city and revisit some old haunts and enjoy some reminiscent foods. I’ll still be crocheting blankets when the strive strikes. There are online projects to get stuck in to and ongoing business to fit in. I should get back to nightly reading.

Still, it will be what it will be and hopefully we are all still here by the end of it.

 

Bah Humbug and I’m okay with that

Christmas is not a spectator sport. It takes thought, planning, work, effort and getting actively involved to get stooped in the jolly spirit. Well this year it’s just not happening for me and I am perfectly okay about that.

For the past two or three years it has been harder and harder to get into the festive goings on. I witness the females around me getting ever more anxious and stressed as they try and pull together all their plans, find gifts, get them wrapped and delivered, there’s the festooning and bedecking of trees and rooms, the cards and letters, the grocery list and fretting over culinary creations. Increasingly as my physical health weakened I was unable to actively help and felt like I was adding to the to-do’ list.

TV and films portray this idyllic notion of gathering families, all smiles, full of good cheer, games are played, perfect nibbles appear, and everything is rosy and wonderful. The extended table laden with delicious delights, succulent roasts and colourful veg drizzled with shining gravy. This glamourised vision sets an impossible bench mark that many desperately try to reach or exceed.

It’s incredibly difficult to explain, because to many it seems unnatural to not get involved with the seasons traditions, but as I said, I’m okay with it. There are reports about visiting someone on their own, or those alone at Christmas, but I do not, in any way, feel like I am missing out.

On Boxing Day I will spend several hours with my very nearest and dearest, the kiddies will have loads to tell and show me and I will love hearing all about it, Neph & Niece will have delicious delights to nibble and I will enjoy the treats I never get to indulge in. And that will be more than enough.

Not everybody on their own is lonely, not everybody alone feels like they are missing out.

 

Typically British Debate

Whilst cogitating the meaning of life in bed this chilled morning as I awaited my modern day Florence Nightingale to arrive, a thought drifted across my mind, settled down and grew. The nightmare pitfalls of an English Cream Tea.

There are numerous areas that are likely, in some circles, to instigate some rather heated debates.

• Which tea? Breakfast, Earl or Lady Grey, LapSang
• Is it milk first or tea first
• Is it a cream tea or afternoon tea (there is a difference, apparently)
• Is it pronounced scone (sk-own rhymes with cone) or scone (sk-on rhymes with gone)
• And the biggee, jam or cream first

Wars have started over less.

I think I’ll stick with my black coffee and sausage roll, that cannot court controversy …. hang on …… bugger.

 

Bactrian Conspires

Wednesday, often referred to as hump day, and I have the right ‘ump with this particular Wednesday, it’s not so much a Dromedary and much more a Bactrian of humps.

I mused this morning that today I would upgrade the OS on the iMac to the new Catalina. The timing was right, I’d time-machine backed up after the photo job was done, as well as external drive saved the valuable folders. I clicked the magic button and set it going, just one hour to download, followed by one and half hours to install and a further thirty minutes to set-up. Now that doesn’t sound so bad does it?

Just before Noon a four note trill sounded from the bedroom. Hmm, odd, that’s the sound the phone makes when you place it in the charger. Trill, weird was there a brief power cut, but everything else is working. TrillTrillTrill. Okay that’s more than a power out, it’s going crazy. TrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrill non-stop and my next care visit would not be until 2:50, three hours of this four note TrillTrillTrillTrill that cannot be drowned out by music because the iMac is updating……… it’s like when the smoke alarm battery fades and you have to wait for a bod with step ladder.

After the install and set-up my computer ever so kindly informed me that some of the apps may not be supported by the upgrade. Hmm, well that all depends which ones. I perused the list and most seemed to be to do with the printer survey and compare list, all good. But oh hang on …. bummage ….. those two apps I use a lot, the one I use to write the HTML for the website and the one I use to organise and upload the photo albums to the web site. Whilst finding another HTML editor is not exactly difficult the photo albums one is, because it is essentially discarding all the work done over the past sixteen years and starting from scratch, again. Put that on the “projects” list. *sigh*

Carer came to the rescue taking the phone out of the cradle, whoohoo, bliss. We scuttle through to the kitchen to fire up the slow cooker, she went to open a draw and it wouldn’t budge ‘something’ was stopping it, I could barely get my fingers between the draw front and the work top. I teased out a plastic bag but there was something solidly jamming it, most likely the foil or cling film boxes. Grrr, between the two of us and the handle of the wooden spoon we managed to get it open, another to-do job, reorder that draw (there’s not a lot in it).

Not sure if today is the wisest day to try a new slow cooker recipe.

Is it bed time yet?

 

It’s been quiet ….. too quiet?

It’s been very quiet these past days since BFF jetted back home after our wonderfully restful, fun and encouraging two week pj-party. My days have been filled with pleasing myself between carer visits, maybe fiddling about on the iPad, twiddling some yarn, easing into a computer task, or just feet up watching tv (currently watching I’m Alright Jack, the black and white Peter Sellers movie).

After the past months of worry, anxiety, stress, mammoth personal physical changes, Big Sis’s serious illness, sudden bereavement, Government bureaucracy, so called social services etc the change has indeed a rest. I might even pick up a book!

No news about the yet to arrive Social Worker report, no news from the PIP review form, no new mind bending professional service cock up for me to sort out.

It’ll never last ………. but until then, pass the chocolate biscuits.

 

To-Done List

Ta-Da! I’ve only gone and, you know, made a list, checked it thrice and gone and ticked em orf when I’ve actually proper like finished the job! I know!! Who’d a thunk it.

It began on Sunday. This will make you chuckle if you know me well. Now I’ve the carers coming in four times a day it means Sunday is no different, so instead of getting up after noon of the clock, now it’s around 10am-10.30am. I ensconced myself at the desk to listen to the Archers Omnibus (because it’s middle Sunday so no Wimbledon) and began by sorting and organising the clutter strewn about, setting up a new folder filing system for care paperwork etc, getting head and desk jobs working together. I created some graphics for a Facebook Page, and set about making a to-do list of other bigger jobs.

Today was the day to tackle those. Slowly working through a transaction list of a years worth of income and expenses, producing a financial statement, generally cross checking and rechecking the Agents figures (a few inevitable anomalies). Then emailing the Agents to chivvy them up with things yet to be completed on the estate.

After that, I set about my own finances, reconciling the bank statement, checking the credit card statement, doing a bit of bean counting now I will have a carers invoice coming in (ouch!).

Add a spot of computer housework and backing up vital stuff.

Boom ….. stuff got not just done but done done.

Okay so maybe there are a couple of things I’m dragging my heels on, the crochet is behind schedule, I’ve yet to tackle the self-referral to another hospital unit who should be able to help with a power chair situation because I’ve lost all trust in my local “wheelchair services”. But if I didn’t leave something to do tomorrow what would I do 🤪

Must remember to charge the kindle, add that to the new list. Start grocery order, stock take freeze meals, get bedding changed, I’ll add those to the list. Bugger, thought I was nearly done there for a few brief moments.

As you were

 

Thinking Mode

Things may be getting just a tinsy-wincy tad brighter, the clouded noggin is potentially clearing, the odd element of sarcasm returning, one is ‘almost‘ thinking of things to do and complete and blog about … 😱. I know! I’ve actually done some crochet and tapped away at the keys of the computer, I’ve ordered some new trousers and thunked a job or two. I even thought about starting to read a new book.

Still a ways to go, the disjointed bureaucracy to deal with and stuff.

Watch this space ….. more to come ….. ‘soon‘ …. maybe after Wimbledon

🤣