Start of a fresh week and how many of us have already gone “Ugg” …. I have, but thats most likely because it is dark and I am behind with my beauty sleep. It is raining making the day a little darker and the down pipe from the guttering is blocked again by the remnants of the seagull nests [guttering was only replaced three months ago]. I have reported it to the Management Company and Director, with a wry evil grin as such things are no longer my problem to fix.
I have been trying to think of ways to inject some positive inspiration, a new project or study area but my mind quickly comes up with the problems [cost too much, cannot get there, no purpose, no reason to]. I suppose this is a side to my logistical ways whenever I did anything or went anywhere. To plan a trip took a lot of research, directions to drive, disabled parking, step free access, costs of taxi’s, how to access things like train and planes. Where to go that has access, print maps, make notes [even in native languages], always having to consider the “what ifs” because my restrictions meant there were no workable alternatives. Some would say this was a positive skill and yes my methodical planning and research made travelling easier – those things had purpose and lead to a great reward.
But, to take up the study of a subject, why, it is just filling time, where is the drive to strive. Sometimes I will start a crochet project and it will sit there for months untouched and when it is done, it might get photographed before it is stuffed with the rest in a draw. To sell these scarves, even on eBay or at a car boot, will not cover the cost of the wool, and in that way makes my efforts feel worthless rather than rewarded.
Physically I am slowing down, I have to be careful how long I sit at the desk before it affects my ability to stand up. I have to be careful how long I stand making meals in the kitchen or cleaning before the strain saps the energy needed to be able to move about later on. Yes, i sent a couple of hours at the main computer, and maybe up to an hour and a half crocheting but there are still twenty four hours in a day and the number of hours where I must do nothing but rest are growing. If I had more energy and ability I could find things that need doing and do them [like the major reshuffle of the bookcases, resort of cupboards and draws] but now that is reliant on the availability of someone else, when they can help, when they can take the discarded items to the charity shop or tip etc.
I feel so constricted and restricted.
It is finding that ‘something’ that strikes a spark, that fuels a fire, that leads to the yearn ….. my mind keeps drifting back to some sort of online study course, I shall have to do some googling and reading.
Till then, there is hair that needs washing, laundry that needs folding and a scheme that needs working on :p
To my wonderful readers – thank you for your kind supportive comments. I have no one to whinge or moan at, so you’re it!
Just Me, Nobody Special 
Kim
November 23, 2014 at 4:09 pm
Praying for you today and every day. There is a reason to live, learn, grow, and give. There is something that goes far beyond our limited time here. There is eternity.
Give those lovely items to charity, AM. There are folks in cold places that would ADORE the lovely things you’ve made and would cherish them dearly. It is hard to find a market for woolen goodies here because we live in a place where lots of people already know how to knit (and some to crochet as well) and so they aren’t inclined to buy things they think they could make themselves.
Nevertheless there are many people who stitch for charity making hats for newborns in NICU, and hats for women and children with cancer, Scarfs, hats, gloves for poor people in cold climes who would really appreciate something lovely and warm to wear. If you were a Christian I’d say that this would also be something that would be pleasing to God as well, and a way of serving Him and your fellow man. Kindness and love have real eternal value. An act of kindness shown to someone can start a ripple of kindness to others. What you give might be something that rejuvenates someone’s heart. Its something possible… something you can do without much planning at all. And believe me… the giver gets more out of it than the person who has been given to. 🙂
Again if you were a believer I would suggest interceding in prayer for others. A lot of people with limitations (like yourself) do so, as they want to be part of something meaningful and helpful but are limited in mobility, funds, etc… While I don’t have your physical limitations I do have my social phobic issues and so I joined an Intercessory Prayer group. Praying for others has really made me aware of the needs that other people are facing. Its allowed me the privilege of coming alongside these other people in prayer, sharing their burden, and bringing their concerns before the throne of grace. Even more gratifying are the responses… the ‘praise reports’ from those you’ve prayed for. Its helped me to look outward instead of inward. I’m less inclined to focus on my own troubles and woes and more inclined to try and lift up others instead.
Short of opening your heart to the Lord Jesus… maybe some sort of giving would be the ‘spark’ you’re looking for?
((Hugs))
LikeLike
gillyk
November 23, 2014 at 5:18 pm
Whinge away – we are here for you!
Is there any group that might appeal to you, where you could go and meet people and do something you enjoy, for company?
LikeLike
KEGGY
November 23, 2014 at 6:18 pm
For the past 4 years I have suffered from a chronic lack of energy and feeling dizzy and woolly headed for much of the time. (The doc suspects ME). Just lately I am much improved, but I wanted to share my way of dealing with the situation.
What I realised was that I could still do things (like rearrange the bookcase), but instead of doing it in one go, I now treat it as a longer project where I just do a small amount each time. I have been amazed how the work did get completed (eventually).
I learnt not to treat a period of rest as ‘wasted’ but as part of the whole plan and completely necessary.
Whilst sitting and resting for long periods I learnt to hone my observation skills. For example sitting in the garden revealed spiders making webs, small insects going about their business and once, a ladybird flying directly toward me, wing cases hanging down. I wouldn’t have seen any of that had I been racing around.
At this time of year, I can sit indoors and look out of the window at the birds, trees etc. In fact I was so pleased when lying in bed late one morning to see a woodpecker in the tree across the road.
So what I am saying is, we don’t always need to travel or spend money to enjoy our time. Obviously we do need to socialise and I did that by meeting locally with a support group and also a walking group for those with health problems.
I don’t know if you are already doing any of this or even if it would work for you or not, but I have been quite content doing things in ‘slow time’.
Take care and don’t get too disheartened 😀 xxx
LikeLike
Bushka
November 23, 2014 at 6:19 pm
HUGS!!!! As always….would like to give them to you ‘in person’. May sound trite but allow me to say….’All Shall Be Well.’
LikeLike
la_spice
November 23, 2014 at 10:48 pm
I am so glad that you feel that you can whinged here and that we, your blog friends, can hopefully help you feel less down. You are a special lady – respect! ~x~
LikeLike
foxhat
November 24, 2014 at 5:33 pm
Hi
Don’t know if this will interest you but I am on with a project to get a better deal for artists out of the current system.
What I am trying to organize are premises for 6 week pop-up galleries.
Landlords are happy to supply premises as it means they can re-claim unoccupied property rates.
What I am looking for are artists who can man the shops (possibly working in them) and make the 6 week period into art events where there work can be sold. This can involve artists sculptors writers poets craft and jewellery makers as well as performance artists. They will keep most of what they make from sales. The only deduction being commission for expenses like display counters electricity, rates, card reader etc and something for who-ever makes any sale.
I am putting a small amount of money into a Company to set this off and am looking to put together a team to see what can be achieved. The operation certainly needs someone with a good administrative brain. Artists are good at art but will need help with the practical details. No reason at all why one cannot be set up in your area if you are interested in joining, It would certainly give you something engaging to do.
No money commitment and I am not looking at the first few ventures to make a profit. More to produce a sense of achievement. If it catches on though there is the potential for this to become very big and possibly valuable so I will happily give all those involved a stake in the Company. There are going to be a lot of local shops that are empty arfter Christmas and this may brighten up a few High Streets and give people something new to try that involves and publicises local talent!
Still very much at the planning stage but let me know if you are interested. There are one or two others here who you know and whom I will also approach. Who knows we might even get Marion and Gillian to be involved and do some poetry readings!
Trulyfab (who you may not know but I think would like) is looking at Glasgow and I have people sounding things out in London and more locally here in South Yorkshire
The idea is to set something up in any area where there is an interest.
If you are interested please let me know. I certainly won’t be offended if you don’t think it is for you, but you do sound as though you need to get involved in something where you aren’t on your own. It is too easy to get demotivated working on your own and the hope is that this is something for those of us who feel something is missing in our lives to try something that may give us all a buzz out of creating something from nothing except a wide variety of disparate talents. Possibly pie-in-the-sky but who knows?
LikeLike