February

It began so positively, but best laid plans and best meant intentions so often do.  After waking up I usually lazy and cogitate my plans for the day – up & dress, make coffee & lunch, plant self at desk and tick things off the various to-do lists, shuffle to sofa, fiddle & rest before going to make dinner & cook freezer foods. Simples, right?

So, initially things went as intended, got to desk with coffee and lunch, began back up procedure for computer (not on to-do list but needed), began sorting through piled detritus stuffed through the door over the past few days (not on list).

Phone rings ….. It’s on the sofa, do I wheel across and grab it or leave it, best get it … BFF needed distracting while she walked home from the City (about 1.5miles) while carrying a 4ft6 stuffed swan resplendent in gold crown and punk tutu (the swan, not BFF).  Sandwiches munched and coffee drunk while chatting.

Right, back to it. Source a few photos for new FaceBook album on group I administrate. Hmm, need to crop, tweek and © mark them, but hey it’s a job on the list 👍🏼. Then wheeling self about to get recycling into waste paper basket (not on list). Started business banking log in (ahha, that is on the list) but it’s been so long it errored out on me so had to restart all over again which means waiting for authorisation codes to come in the post (add follow up to list).  Sort through post waiting to be dealt with, add two things to to-do list.

By now I’ve been at the desk just over two hours, which means hips need resting on sofa for a while before I can confidently get up stood ….. this ends today’s productivity time. Successfully ticked off one thing, postponed one thing and added two more. 

Oh and I’ve written a blog (not on the list)

*sigh*

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User Interface Stuck

Back a few posts ago I had set a to-do list with a completion date of before BFF’s visit ….. Let’s evaluate…..

1. Research and write the new article
2. Upgrade video player (current one doesn’t handle mobile devices)
3. Rework each video file/page
4. Upload everything to the server and publish
5. Update back-up drives 1 and 2 (I’m not loosing all that hard work)

1. The new article is written but it needs putting into an HTML format and a couple of things are needed from third parties before publishing – not done yet.

2. Website video – with the introduction of html5 a new coding method can be used, but it needs the videos to be in three different formats and uploaded to the server, time consuming – each video has been converted into the three types, I am currently still uploading, one set at a time.

3.  Video pages – in order not to get lost as not everything can be done at one go at the desk, I update the pages as the trio of files are uploaded. So the review pages additions are done, the YouTube embedded ones are done, a couple of short interview segments are done, just the longer interview videos needs to be done…… so almost but not quite.

4.  Uploading is done gradually as each page/video is completed…. so on-going.

5.  This plan was expanded as there was an operating system upgrade, so total system back up, download and install OS upgrade, then after satisfied everything is as it should be another total system back up.  Now just need to do the secondary specific files back up (hey better to have two back ups, just in case, mild paranoia is sometimes wise).

HOWEVER :: I did finish a cat blanket and am halfway through a second.

Harnessing and fanning motivation is still an incredibly difficult thing, I ‘need’ to spend more time at my desk, I ‘need’ to not be disheartened by the faff of shuffling on the chair from desk to sofa and focus more on the enjoyment/accomplishment/occupation of being at my desk.  When every single element of everything I try and do involves an ever growing degree of struggle, and having to juggle how much time spent on job ‘A’ before impacting on necessary job ‘B’, it’s so much easier just to roll over and snuggle under the duvet where I’m pain free, struggle free, discomfort free and toasty warm.

Could do better, my dear, procrastinating isn’t going to motivate the mentals or bring satisfaction.  

 

Startember

My lists have broken, historically they helped me get organised, sorted and done, but the ‘meh’ apathy has set-in.  Is it because the list is on the iPad and a mere swipe deletes them as if they were never there, whereas writing them in longhand on a note pad and crossing it out doesn’t remove it from view, just reminds you of a failure?  It’s deeper than that, it’s a personality trait, accountability thing.

Sometimes success of getting stuff done is dependant upon the sense of satisfaction (personal and third-party) that comes along after the effort and struggle, it has to have a worth.  Sometimes it might be because someone else is relying on what you do.  Sometimes it’s something that is time sensitive.  I am fortunate that I don’t have things pulling at my time, I don’t work thus reducing the free hours for chores, projects and such, but because my days have no structure it’s neither here nor there what time I get up, go to bed, today is like yesterday and will be the same tomorrow.  Granted initially after ceasing work, having the comfort of so little pressure was so relaxing and reviving, and so needed after the stress and pressure of grief, work and deteriorating health, but now it has become a hindrance. Even enjoyable pastimes become things to merely fill empty hours, which takes the shine off the brightest activities.

But occasionally a spark of possibility needs seizing to try and wrangle the waining spirit, and ignite the motivation to get on and ‘do’, because it will bring satisfaction in a project successfully completed that others might just enjoy.  Give a sense of purpose and instead of time filling I’m being ‘productive’.

So, September is the month, BFF’s visit is the deadline.

1. Research and write the new article
2. Upgrade video player (current one doesn’t handle mobile devices)
3. Rework each video file/page
4. Upload everything to the server and publish
5. Update back-up drives 1 and 2 (I’m not loosing all that hard work)
6. Possibly pick up cat blanket crochet

I know, I know, I might be over reaching with the crochet, lol, but goals be goals.

Not being able to just get stood up from the desk is a major faulting factor, I could and should spend a couple of hours most days at the desk but the thought of shuffling on the chair to get to the sofa is a chore even though when I do do it, it’s not so bad, only some degree of hip discomfort.  It’s a mental tug of war. It is necessary to put myself in an outright absolute ‘have-to’ situation to give my mentals that extra decisive tug.

Right then ….. 2–6–heave!

 

Could, Should, Can’t

Well that didn’t take long ……. the vim and vigour after my holibobs staycation with the BFF has dog gone and evaporated. The lovely cuddly warmth of accomplishment after getting the website updated has fizzled. I’m back to disenthused apathy.

There are things I ‘should’ maybe do, like, send in my latest book review (oops that’s supposed to be kind of hush hush) I can only do it at the desktop because my iPad is too old to run Word. I should be finishing the latest blanket as I’d like to start the next pattern, or I should empty, tidy and sort bedside draw, put away stuff not put away. But well, meh, its Saturday, the world won’t explode if I don’t.

There are things I ‘could’ do, like, resort the photos on the computer, there’s the letter to my hospital about my five months overdue appointment, start the video rework for the website. But well, you know.

Now there are some, many even, who would love to be as unbusy as me, I’d quite like to be as busy as some. In a romanticised way I would have loved to have gotten up from my bed, enjoyed a refreshing shower, straightened the bedroom, cleaned the kitchen, and washed the dishes before taking a jaunty saunter to Subway for lunch. Then browse a shop or two to find a box to put my footwear in beneath my desk, maybe find a new top or picked up some fresh raspberries from the grocers. Come home and sit at my desk, write an email or three while listening to some tunes before making my bolognese and settling to an evenings tv entertainment. But I cannot, the only thing I will physically manage, with a double dose of struggle and concentration is throw together the bolognese. 

Is it the human’s lot to always want things different and rarely be content with how things are?

I’ve often remarked that occupation needs a necessity. Doing something without a purpose, a need, a deadline, an outside expectation just becomes a time filler and when you have nothing but time to fill there’s no drive to strive.

Eek, that turned a bit deep and melancholy!  

 

Running out of t………

For once ‘Babs’ is almost right! The sun in my life is arriving on Tuesday, my BFF will be here for our two-week PJ party, it most definitely will be an excellent time.  Now before you think it, I do not believe in such bunkum as horoscopes etc but an idle curiosity to check out the absurdity often has me glancing if only to go ^yeah, right^ (Oww, look at me going all posh and using the sarcastrophy). 

So how is the to-do list, has it become a to-done one? Not really

• • Tidy/sort/chuck bathroom junk – woohoo, done 
•  • Today/sort/chuck bedroom junk – another one done
•  • Wash towels – tick that one off
•  • Start big shop list of don’t forgets – and another crossed off, it’s going well!
•  • Shift/bag loose balls of yarn – well, erm, oops
•  • Tidy away untidied bedroom bits – almost kind of, sorta, nearly
•  • Finish web album work – it was going so well
•  • Type up pod cast article – type up done, web page not created
•  • Create contact page – about half way there.

I’ve under estimated how much time the web work would take, I’ve also procrastinated at working at the desk, because the getting up situ is not progressing. *sigh* Okay so new plan while BFF is here is to get web stuff done and uploaded to the server and also to try again at getting stood up from desk. 

With my 0-s*** birthday just days away, I’ve been looking for that special something, a statement piece that will be worn often. I think I have found it. I am looking forward to the sitting around the table together, eating hearty food and enjoying each other’s company.

You know, there is even the possibility that I might do some croches! I know, shocking, I’ve done one row since finishing the Christmas commissions.

Toddles for now *waves*

 

Listless Listeria

Has it already been over a month? (Yeap) You sure it’s not been a couple of weeks? (Nope) Guess I should revisit my to do list then? (Yeap) ….. Hmm, this is not going to be pretty.

• Work on the web site – phase one done, phase two being mulled over.
• Carry on with crochet project – tedious brick wall hit, stuck.
• Try and keep things tidier – that never lasted.
• Research Greenwich trip – tickets bought, all ready.
• Clear and tidy desk + draws – wellllll, should do better.
• Chase up Neuro Consultants Letter – hmm, not even started.

Okay the web work was a big job (pages of alterations, additions and amendments), phase two is reworking the photo section. Another big job as the new photo albums need adding, each separate photo needs resizing, often © marking, as well as captioning.

Desk work has a new problem, I cannot get up from the seat. I’ve been tentatively googling disabled office chairs as I’d like one to raise me to the standing position, but they are pricey and I need to try insitu, see what other issues it throws up. Then I could spend a lot more productive and play time at my computer rather than the iPad.

I’m slightly side tracked by sourcing a mobile beautician who can come and scrub the be-heck out of my tootsies, make them happy. 

Must dash – the late evening sun shine is across my feet causing my eyes to close and mind to wander.

 

AWOL now back, more rejuvenated & rebellious

Lol, my screw literally did fall out! I use a dining chair as a walking frame (the seat also acts as a carry shelf), the seat pad is screwed from beneath but recently one of the screws was unscrewing itself and I kept tightening it but a couple of weeks or so ago there was the sound of something hitting the floor, yes my screw fell out.

I’ve had a fabulously, relaxing, fun, couple of weeks as my BFF in the whole Universe came to play I mean stay.  Lazy mornings, tasty foods, evening DVD’s, selfish indulgence galore. An obligatory visit to the local yarn store (new crochet project in progress). Whilst there a flyer was spotted on the counter about a film being shown at the Library, as part of the community cinema. Sully, is a film we have both been wanting to see, so we trotted down the street and attended. It was an excellent film, I had to remind myself I was in public and not to growl at the personage I disliked. It was totally engrossing, thoroughly watchable and seeing it on a larger screen with surround sound added to the experience.  There is always one thing each visit that crumples us both into tearful laughter. This time it was our efforts to send her Dad a video of us singing happy birthday. The snag was keeping the thumb on the go button, it slipped and the looping short video made me look like I had a nervous tic, the dang app sent it so we had to type ignore that. Then inn the second attempt after explaining our error as we took a breath to sing, thumb shifted stopping the filming. We gave up and recorded a video and then sent that in messages. Her poor Dad must have wondered what on earth was going on! Still he and we all had a good hearty laugh.

All too soon she was packing for home, already counting down to her return (168 days).  We had jested that her cats might be happy to have her home, but also cold shoulder her for leaving in the first place, her cat Hunter came running as soon as he heard her voice and was rubbing himself round her legs, so pleased to have her home.

So, yes, a change is as good as a rest.  

Oh yes, I had a birthday in there too, lots of goodies and treats. Next year is an “0-heck” number, yikes!

Back to making working lists

• Work on the web site
• Carry on with crochet project
• Try and keep things tidier
• Research Greenwich trip
• Clear and tidy desk + draws
• Chase up Neuro Consultants Letter

That should do for now.