Beans anyone?

As morning carer unlocked my door I could hear her struggling, curiosity was sparked. Apparently a large heavy brown box had been left on the door step.

Into the ninth week of self-isolating shielding lockdown, I have received a Government emergency food package. The notion of ensuring that those who are confined to their homes have access to a few basic necessities, is a highly commendable one, the execution of such a project has a few gaps. What a single person uses is different to two people or a small family. The contents were intriguing.

There is a loaf of bread with a warnings its previously been frozen and is good for five days from thawing (when was that because it’s very thawed and dry, so yesterday or even the day before), the large Frey Bentos chicken pie, a bag of potatoes one spud is so big it needs two hands to hold it, a huge tin of beans (850g pictured) plus an onion also sizeable, a bag of pasta, jar of bolognese sauce, small tin of tuna, a small bag of rice, a pack of digestives, bag of oats, bag of carrots, apples and oranges, two one litre cartons of milk, two cans of chopped tomatoes and three cans of soup. A couple of instant coffee packets and a few tea bags, one loo roll, a small hand soap with five bottles of bath soap (think hotel freebies).

The enclosed note says it’s for the week (anyone got a recipe for roast-stewed-curried onion) and there are online links to get them stopped or changed (except the links don’t do that). They tell you to contact your local council if you no longer need the help, except the council website doesn’t say who to contact. The note says to simply tell your driver not to deliver, well seeing as it’s just left on the door step before my carer gets here, that’s not going to happen. In fact if it wasn’t for the carer tripping over it trying to get in, I’d have no idea it was even there.

I hope I’ve managed to make contact with the right people to stop getting these, although the idea is commendable, for me, in my circumstances, sadly the majority of contents I cannot make use of – so I’ve given my carers first dibs. I’d much prefer the good dead to go to someone in much greater need than me, I am sure there are some.

 

Making The Cut

Across these weeks and months of having different carers in and out, regularly preparing my food, I have come to notice differences when it comes to cutting sandwiches.

Essentially there are four different ways, there is the classic horizontal and then the single diagonal, dividing the sandwich into two. Then there is the horizontal and vertical and the double diagonal, quartering the breaded munch. What I hadn’t noticed is how these different cuts affect the perception of taste.

Of course this is completely irrational and unscientific but I wonder if there is such a thing as the psychology of sandwiches. You see to my mind, the double diagonal quartered sandwich feels like there is more crust than wich, where as the horizontal single divide has decidedly less crust to wich ratio.

The diagonal single cut seems to unbalance the handling of the sandwich with the hypotenuse corners seeming to flap apart and cause the crumbled filling to escape. The horizontal and vertical quartering reminds me of children’s packed lunch boxes, or posh crustless cucumber and smoked salmon afternoon tea nibbles.

Before you think I have completely lost the plot, remember, there are people out there who firmly believe that tea should only ever be drunk from a bone China cup, that has been brewed in a pre-warmed bone China teapot.

Food is a serious business!

 

CoVid-19

Well here we all are, being all cosy and shut in, some are out and about doing their essential duties and a huge THANK YOU to them all. It was been interesting watching the tv reports, media articles and social media reaction. Soo, what do we think of it so far.

Quick run down of the media v chief medical advisor advice. Official advice on the symptoms is …

• Fever
• Persistent dry cough

According to the media symptoms are

• Loss of sense of smell
• Loss of sense of taste
• Fatigue
• Stomach and intestine issues
• Breathlessness
• Headache
• A dozen other unsubstantiated drivel 🙄

Then we have the behaviour versus the rules. Officially we have been told

• Only go out to buy food or get medicines
• Travel to/from work if it’s essential
• Short exercise (maintaining social distance)

But what are people ‘actually’ doing? The majority seem to be able to follow the appropriate guidelines but, as ever, there is a selfish element in our society that ignored, flouted and even blatantly acting ridiculously.

There are horror stories of gangs gathering, of people spitting, of people acing out, punching, attacking anyone who crosses their actions. People have been selfishly stockpiling food and loo rolls, actively yanking out of others hands or filling three, four trolleys of items. It’s not actions driven by fear but by selfish greed, either to resell at hiked prices or do be smug.

AS FOR ME ….. I’m okay, I self isolate in January, February and March because I want to socially distance from the usual coughs and colds, so it’s just being extended. My Carers complete the four daily visits and I’ve been assured that as in most need I am a priority for continued care. I’ve enough in the cupboard to get me to my grocery delivery (might get a bit odd next weekend) but depending what they bring and whether I can book another slot *shrug* but Carers, neighbours and family have offered to shop.

Sadly, broken heartedly, brought to tears, my BFF has had to cancel her visit but she has rebooked for June. I hope some of these restrictions can be reduced before then.

When this is all over …. I am definitely having that bumper British breakfast delivered by a local diner – delayed deserved birthday bonanza.

 

Typically British Debate

Whilst cogitating the meaning of life in bed this chilled morning as I awaited my modern day Florence Nightingale to arrive, a thought drifted across my mind, settled down and grew. The nightmare pitfalls of an English Cream Tea.

There are numerous areas that are likely, in some circles, to instigate some rather heated debates.

• Which tea? Breakfast, Earl or Lady Grey, LapSang
• Is it milk first or tea first
• Is it a cream tea or afternoon tea (there is a difference, apparently)
• Is it pronounced scone (sk-own rhymes with cone) or scone (sk-on rhymes with gone)
• And the biggee, jam or cream first

Wars have started over less.

I think I’ll stick with my black coffee and sausage roll, that cannot court controversy …. hang on …… bugger.

 

Bactrian Conspires

Wednesday, often referred to as hump day, and I have the right ‘ump with this particular Wednesday, it’s not so much a Dromedary and much more a Bactrian of humps.

I mused this morning that today I would upgrade the OS on the iMac to the new Catalina. The timing was right, I’d time-machine backed up after the photo job was done, as well as external drive saved the valuable folders. I clicked the magic button and set it going, just one hour to download, followed by one and half hours to install and a further thirty minutes to set-up. Now that doesn’t sound so bad does it?

Just before Noon a four note trill sounded from the bedroom. Hmm, odd, that’s the sound the phone makes when you place it in the charger. Trill, weird was there a brief power cut, but everything else is working. TrillTrillTrill. Okay that’s more than a power out, it’s going crazy. TrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrillTrill non-stop and my next care visit would not be until 2:50, three hours of this four note TrillTrillTrillTrill that cannot be drowned out by music because the iMac is updating……… it’s like when the smoke alarm battery fades and you have to wait for a bod with step ladder.

After the install and set-up my computer ever so kindly informed me that some of the apps may not be supported by the upgrade. Hmm, well that all depends which ones. I perused the list and most seemed to be to do with the printer survey and compare list, all good. But oh hang on …. bummage ….. those two apps I use a lot, the one I use to write the HTML for the website and the one I use to organise and upload the photo albums to the web site. Whilst finding another HTML editor is not exactly difficult the photo albums one is, because it is essentially discarding all the work done over the past sixteen years and starting from scratch, again. Put that on the “projects” list. *sigh*

Carer came to the rescue taking the phone out of the cradle, whoohoo, bliss. We scuttle through to the kitchen to fire up the slow cooker, she went to open a draw and it wouldn’t budge ‘something’ was stopping it, I could barely get my fingers between the draw front and the work top. I teased out a plastic bag but there was something solidly jamming it, most likely the foil or cling film boxes. Grrr, between the two of us and the handle of the wooden spoon we managed to get it open, another to-do job, reorder that draw (there’s not a lot in it).

Not sure if today is the wisest day to try a new slow cooker recipe.

Is it bed time yet?

 

When boredom meets taste buds

I has the munchies, despite gorging on my favourite dinner………. So can someone go get, one, some, all the following, that be great….. 

1. Cheese on toast
2. Chocolate biscuits
3. Cornish pasty
4. KFC 
5. Hazelnuts 
6. Walnuts (thank you Kim, for planting that need)
7. Proper mug of tasty coffee
8. BFF’s left overs (she always has sumptuous tasty morsels)
9. Spag Bol
10. Red beans and rice
11. Jambalaya 
12. Roast pork, with veg and gravy
13. Thin crust pizza
14. Mulligatawny soup and rustic dunky bread 
15. Aero minty bubbles

*sigh*

 

Diligent Taster ~ Revised

Following the comments on my previous post, it has become necessary to revise the thorough tasting schedule of sausage rolls. It’s serious business, you know! 

Okay here we go…..

1. Fresh from the oven
2. Fresh from the over dunked in brown sauce 
3. Fresh from the oven, deconstructed, pastry then filling
4. Fresh from the oven, deconstructed, filling then pastry
5. After cooling, 
6. After cooling dunked in brown sauce
7. After cooling, deconstructed, pastry then filling
8. After cooling, deconstructed, filling then pastry
9. Reheated in microwave
10. Reheated then dunked in brown sauce
11. Reheated, deconstructed, pastry then filling
12. Reheated, deconstructed, filling then pastry

At this point you realise you have devoured the first batch, a second batch needs making, which will entail due diligence in ensuring consistency to retaste test…..we start over.

HOLD THE PRESSES :: I’ve just realised, brown sauce, ketchup or mustard??

*faints*

I think next year I’ll stick to gravy testing

 

The due diligent sausage taster

And so it begins ….. it is a vitally important role that requires much earnest concentration and preparation.  You see it is not as simple or straightforward as you might think, there are numerous permutations and this year that has had to be expanded.

First there is the ‘just out the oven’ test, the crisp crunch of pastry, the moist meat and tang of seasoning.

Then there is the ‘cooled from the rack’ test, to ensure consistency, you know just in case.

It is necessary then to move on to the ‘warmed in the microwave’ test, food safety standards and all that.

New for this year is the ‘dunk’ test, how both a warmed and a cold sausage roll taste when dunked in a dab of brown sauce. Plus as well as the lovingly prepared sausage meat, there are Frankferters wrapped in pastry.

This could take some time ……

Merry Christmas readers, hold tight for the New Year.

 

I Got Da Bluuuuues

When ever my BFF and I have to say bye-bye there is always a lump in my throat, but this time there was significant eye leakage, several sobs and yes a couple of stomach gripping knots as the taxi turned right out of my street taking her to the airport and home to hubby, daughter and two ginger cats.

It’s impossible to put my finger exactly on why, it’s part history, part friendship, part closeness, part loss, part safety, part encouragement, part silliness, and a whole heap of, it’s just fun to be together.

So what wild shenanigans did we get up to…….. well, you might not believe it, it could possibly shock some, but, well, none.  Just chatting, watching films, finding all kinds of things on the Internet,  eating good treat food, doing some stitching, relaxing, taking a walk to the beach, shopping for treats; just being removed from our expected usual everyday.

Highlight – Lazing in bed, not quite asleep when BFF remarked “What the…..oh it’s you!”  You need a little backstory here.

A neighbourhood cat has taken to sitting on my recycling bin which is just outside my back door. He peers in, looking curious, has wandered into the kitchen when the door was open. BFF opened the kitchen window and he strolled in and discovered two suckers for head rubs, chin scratches and ham, chicken and dreamies.  If the window was left open he’d just stroll in and say hello, not in a hurry to leave.  Over a day or two of repeated visits (BFF is such a softie) little encouragement was needed. He’s been nicknamed Mickey because he’s white with a black tail and black ears.  One night it was rather warm so BFF opened my bedroom window slightly, maybe four or so inches, the curtains were slightly gaped, we comfortably resettled to sleep.  Cheeky Mickey got brave from the bin top and mastered the narrow, tilted, slippery windowsill, squeezed through the gap, avoided the bits and bobs on the windowsill as well as the bookcase, jumped to the floor and neither of us heard anything until he jumped on the bed and walked up BFF!  Lol, cheeky, little devil.

We were productive, I’ve ‘almost’ finished the cot blanket, and already started a second (naughty me, should finish one before starting another), BFF knitted a couple of hats and booties for the doll. Yes, Mickey helped with the wool tension on the big ripple afghan.

Now it’s time to get back to the normal everyday, not as much fun, not as much company and not such enticing food. Familiar aches are returning. Time to reset the countdown app for her return in March. 

 

Mature Teenagers

It’s time to play the music……. It’s time to light the lights……..

BFF has arrived and plugged her phone in, rummaged to find her comfy stuff, made herself at home; groceries have been delivered to make tasty home cooked foods, the shipment of Coke Zero has been unloaded (she’s a Coke fiend, I’m a coffee one), this is our idea of a staycation…. Doors are locked, curtains may or may not be opened….. Pleasing ourselves, watch a movie or two, stitch and create, render some donkeys backlegless, laugh hysterically at something silly until our sides hurt…….it’s like being a teenager left at home. AWESOME

*insert happy big grinning smilie face here*