Sensible or Sinister

30 May

I know I have to move home, but where to go and how to go about it, is a big scary slathering barking hell hound. Going from financial and roof-over-head security to not being so much so. There is a great deal to wrestle with.

Since about week three of lockdown isolation my mind has been racing to an idea, to go through every single item in my hovel and either sell it, donate it or bin it, keeping only a very few considered key items. I really do mean everything, every keepsake, gift, trinket, souvenir, ornament, memento, book, cd, dvd, photo album, crockery, cutlery, glassware, clothing, shoes, costume jewellery, hobby item, stationery item, tool, cuddly, pot, pan and dish. Slim everything down to only the necessary minimum. I have held onto things in order to feel connected to people, places, memories, times when I felt included, involved, almost necessary.

As I cannot move about to fetch things or return things, why keep them, is knowing something is in an inaccessible drawer any different to knowing I once had it. Why hold onto kits, cloths and silks when I’m never going to cross stitch anything again, why keep the pieces I’ve done that are sitting in the drawer, done to fill time. There are things in this abode that haven’t seen the light of day in 5-7-10+ years. There’s a box of vinyl records in the wardrobe that have been there 15-20 years, I don’t even know all the albums that are in there.

But I, myself, cannot do any of that. Someone else will have to lift and fetch and handle. Whether it be taking items to a Post Office to mail, or local refuse/recycling collection centre (7.5 miles away), or charity shops. Someone else will have to fill the recycling big or general waste bin. I might have the idea but others will have the execution.

With my increased deterioration I will need more equipment, power chair, manual chair, shower chair, hoists etc, all which need space to be kept ‘out of the way’.

Is this need a sensible preparation for the future (even maybe getting ones affairs in order, when that times comes), or is it a sign of something relating to mental health triggered by my changing circumstances and the weeks, months, of lockdown.


Posted by on May 30, 2020 in Life


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9 responses to “Sensible or Sinister

  1. deacongill

    June 7, 2020 at 2:21 pm

    Perhaps it’s both? Or maybe the lockdown has brought about a situation where you realise the necessity of forward-thinking? I would very much go along with what you suggest, having had to do the same thing a number of times myself, although of course for different reasons: one of them, the move from a 5-bedroom Edwardian vicarage to a small retirement flat. There is a sense of loss, of course: but also, I find it curiously satisfying to make those hard decisions and implement them (in your case, with somebody else). My mind is clearer, and more settled. A sorted environment really does have an effect on my attitudes and gives me a sense of mental energy.

    The fun bit is deciding what criteria you’re going to use for those precious ‘keep’ items. When my parents died and I was involved with emptying their house with my siblings, I decided I would only keep items which I would actually use. So the mug I gave Mum many years ago. Her little pyrex bowls which I haven’t been able to find anywhere else. A few of their smallest trinkets which I associate with my childhood. You can only consult your heart, and choose.

    Good luck! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • AnneMarie

      June 7, 2020 at 3:06 pm

      I have a pine sideboard, a tall media unit and two small bookcases, ideally I’d cut back to the tall media unit only, maybe one small bookcase (I’m not including the three draw desk unit, which needs decluttering). It’s all the things I have forgotten in them that I haven’t considered.

      Liked by 1 person

      • deacongill

        June 7, 2020 at 5:00 pm

        Oh oh … I’d say, go for it! Even if you just pull open a drawer and make decisions about what’s in it, then that’s a start. I always find making decisions the hardest part.

        Liked by 1 person

      • AnneMarie

        June 7, 2020 at 5:07 pm

        In an ideal world, I’d take the sticky plaster approach, otherwise it’s a thing that’s started but never completed.


  2. snowbird

    June 7, 2020 at 4:38 pm

    I felt sad reading this. If only you could move to a larger home. Like Gill said, maybe it’s a bit of both. It is always difficult to choose what to keep, but if things are tucked away in drawers that haven’t been seen in years they’ll be easy to part with. It’s all the things that invoke memories that’ll be hard to part with. Good luck with it all. I do hope you find the perfect

    Liked by 1 person

    • AnneMarie

      June 7, 2020 at 4:39 pm

      Nothing a lottery win wouldn’t cure 😉😁


  3. menhir1

    June 8, 2020 at 1:59 pm

    I have been thinking deeply about this post and want to give myself proper time to respond to it. So, forgive me please, if I do not write more now. I will come back to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • AnneMarie

      June 8, 2020 at 2:31 pm

      No worry or hurry or obligation to reply. I’m just venting ‘out there’ to get it out of my head.


  4. menhir1

    June 17, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    I like your pragmatic thinking. It is amazingly difficult to be dispassionate about oneself and ones own special objects. As time moves on all those emotional connections to bits and pieces alter, but there are always one or two (or more) that still connect. We do, I think, need to retain some of the physical objects because whatever we think about our memories, inevitably they do require an aide memoir for some elements stuffed in to our well overloaded memory banks.

    Far be it from me to advise you what where and how, I would suggest though, hold onto what is really special to you, those items you have that give that little feeling of inner pleasure that bring you close to special people or pets when you see, touch or feel them. It could be a crochet hook, some photos, a scarf, etc.

    The practical and very important objects you’ve already mentioned, such as your computer and all the gubbins associated with it you’ve decided upon already. It is a great bit of kit and you do make the most of it. I think your computer is a newer model than mine!

    I have no knowledge of your access to alternative housing, nor who might be involved with it. It is a huge question some aspects of it, only you can answer. Maybe BF will be able to support you on this one.

    In general, the clutter clearing at this stage is not a bad idea. You have to make the decision as to what is clutter and what is disposable and be content with the decisions you make. Time is on your side to think it through and make a start when you can. xxxx

    Liked by 1 person


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