Confidence Wanes

07 May

I don’t know whether this is an age thing, a result in changed circumstances thing or a lock-down self-isolating thing but I can feel my confidence depleting, especially when interacting with another human.

A couple of things have happened this week that has highlighted this odd sensation. It’s home insurance time, I’ve been a tad lazy the past couple of years and just let it auto renew but I decided to grapple that particular bull and fudge about a couple of comparison sites and a few direct ones. I tapped in the data, took screen grabs of quotes, pondered and perused. When I go a hunting and the quote is considerably less I fine tooth comb because I must have forgotten or undervalued something, but no, the quotes were a lot lot less.

So after pondering some more and returning fresh eyed the next day I decided, okay time is up, I’m switching ……. then the stomach knotted and the throat clenched. That means telephoning the current provider to cancel. They’re going to question me, persuade me to stay, re-quote, make me doubt my decision, so with trepidation I dialled and was surprised that the chap was very pleasant, took me at my word, cancelled the renewal no quibble and wished me well! My fear was for nought.

Then it became necessary to bring to light something with my care agency. It involved the actions of a particular carer (don’t fret, it was not to my person, I am 100% well looked after). I knew I had to bring something to light but felt an incredible sense of responsibility, along side feelings of snitching, what I say could have a consequence to this person. Although justified, and necessary, it stuck in my throat (don’t worry folks, BFF put me in my place with love and a telling off, lol). I bit the bullet and emailed the office and the manager telephoned me and listened, letting me fully explain in my calm mannered way. I also said how I felt about talking like that and she understood my point of view, but also appreciated me telling what had happened. The matter is resolved and while I pang if I think too much, it was right and necessary to do so.

I can feel the dread rising when I think about having to telephone the dentist, or rearrange a hospital appointment (when we are through the pandemic situ). It’s not the same as reluctantly having to do something unpleasant, it is having to interact with another human and almost fretting over the curve ball they may lob.

I never used to be this way, I had reliable competence and ability.


Posted by on May 7, 2020 in Life, people


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7 responses to “Confidence Wanes

  1. Best Friend

    May 7, 2020 at 4:16 pm

    Don’t doubt yourself. You are sensible, intelligent, and capable of speaking up when you need to. Just be ready to be firm if you have to be.

    So often we dread things that end up not happening at all. Try not to worry about what others may do or say.

    Have faith in yourself, AM. I believe in you 100%.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Jocelyn

    May 7, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    I think a lot has to do with age. It’s not so much that I can’t deal with it but more I just don’t want to.
    And the above comment is so true. Often never as bad as one imagines .Ive been sidelined twice recently having psyched myself up for a possible row only to be on the receiving end of excellent customer service LOL And sorting out Insurance is one of the worst home admin jobs which seems to come around too quickly. The more we are doing stuff via the internet and on line ‘chat’ to advisers ( marvellous) the less we are actually talking to a real person so one loses the skills I feel.
    Chin up!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. snowbird

    May 7, 2020 at 11:01 pm

    I’m totally with Best Friend! This situation is also a source of quiet stress, you must feel that a lot more than most. Believe in yourself, and go with the flow, however difficult. Hugs.xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • AnneMarie

      May 8, 2020 at 11:14 am

      It’s understanding consequences of actions, even though someone else’s actions meant I had to report something, it didn’t detract from how I felt about the consequences of what I said, potentially to this persons future (even if just a small bit). I might have rambled a bit and got lost in a consequence or two, lol.


  4. deacongill

    May 8, 2020 at 1:22 pm

    I identify with how you feel. It all seems to get so complicated: not only do you have to say something which isn’t straightforward but you want to be fair, and interact with somebody whose reactions you can’t guage in advance; you are also making big decisions which you are responsible for. The heart quails. Well, mine does anyway! Sometimes we just need to bite the bullet, scream at those undermining voices in our heads ‘JUST SHUT UP’! and without allowing any more thought, pick up the phone monster and dial. But there are good days and bad days to do it. You can do it and you will be absolutely fine! hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • AnneMarie

      May 8, 2020 at 1:32 pm

      You are correct, it’s being prepared for the other persons reaction, the sense of either being over ruled or bulldozed. Often it doesn’t happen, but it’s that under fear. I hate, detest, loathe anyone making any decision for me, even if the answer is obvious, it’s still or me to choose.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. menhir1

    May 8, 2020 at 2:22 pm

    I recognise those feelings Anne-Marie. The current issues do reach down into our areas of equilibrium like no other in our lifetime. I do not like the sense of powerlessness and the questioning by me of my personal confidence.

    When things get a bit roly-poly, I remember a book I was given some years ago, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway. I can’t remember the author off-hand, but the title will get you to the book. What’s the worst that can happen? Often it is a yes or no answer. In other instances those negatives and positives will manifest in other ways. I remember testing out some of the points I learned from reading the book. I remember how much I began to feel in control again, areas of my confidence returning. I think I might dig out the book and put it in the small pile I have, to read again.

    Liked by 1 person


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