When Enuff Is Enough

14 Apr

It doesn’t have to be a Friday thirteenth for a day to test, frustrate or just get the better of me. Major Murphy, Sargent Sod and Field-Marshall Fate must have had a conference and decided to wage war on my patience, resilience and strength.

Last weekend I sat with note pad and pencil and went through every page, paragraph and sentence of the website, noting down edits, amendments, corrections and general tidying that needed doing; I made notes about what to do for a whole new page, a significant addition to a page and a complete reconfigure of the site menu and presentation of the music bio. That came to seven pages, and I haven’t even touched the photos and videos (may not sound like it, but I enjoyed it, I was making headway and planning).  Tuesday morning I sat at the desk and worked through one page of straight forward corrections, about an hour and a half.  The cost for doing that, I couldn’t get up from the desk, no amount of umph-ing, trying, willing, wishing or expletive resulted in a successful up, so I did the chair shuffle to the sofa and get up from there.  In the afternoon I worked on my crochet project and the price for that was struggling up-ness from the sofa, loo and bed. My reserves were flat, I’d had enough, I get angry, I am not wanting to dance on tippy toes across a high wire, just stand up, not rocket science is it, but boy do I have to work at it, every, single, time. Count how many times a day you stand up, imagine having to run up strains every time, you’ll quickly start thinking “Do I need to get up and do that, can it wait and then do two or three things together”.

Wednesday I created some new graphics, another hour or so at the desk, but I cheated, Big Sis was here so she could lift me, when she arrived. Yesterday, I began the task of creating an eye catching new page sub menu, making sure the HTML I write is correct to every . > and “.  After a little more than an hour I sat back, looked hard and hit the delete button, it was crap. Great. I am sure my frame of mind is clouding my vision for this new page, so I cannot see what I want to work towards.  Again, I couldn’t get up. Again the chair shuffle to the sofa, an afternoon spent on the crochet project, and again difficulty getting upright, but hey, on the bright side it only took me an hour to get from sofa to kitchen with loo stop rather than the two hours on Tuesday.  They say finding the positive is a good thing, I hate that kind of thinking, because it does nothing to get my arse off the wooden toilet seat. I am all about the practical, it’s ingrained. 

For some time getting upright from the desk has been an issue, and I do not see a way around it. I’ve tried tweeking my method, restricting the duration at the desk (I’d prefer to be there two or three hours), it makes no difference. I think the desk height is a tad higher than the draws I use beside the bed or the sink beside the loo. Can’t change any physical aspect but I need to be able to sit at my desk, there is enjoyable work to be done, I can occupy myself and feel some satisfaction. I cannot use a laptop as I cannot hold my hands/arms over the keyboard to type. I need my desk. 

I know there are battery powered toilet seat risers. I know there are seats that rise and tilt, we see the tv ad often enough, but things that tilt will throw me to the ground. But easily useable desk chair that behaves like a dining chair, is there such a thing.

Historically I have known the work-a-rounds to manage, how equipment can help, but in this day and age, with my level of deterioration, is there an answer other than ‘you cannot do it anymore’?


Posted by on April 14, 2017 in Grumble, Life, Projects, Tech, Website


Tags: , , , , ,

9 responses to “When Enuff Is Enough

  1. Bushka

    April 14, 2017 at 4:07 pm

    What…if anything can I say, Anne! Sending you LOVE and HUGS!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. menhir1

    April 14, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    I have a sense of what your frustrations and restrictions are. I admire your resilience and your realism. There are times, I fully agree, that positivism feels like, and probably is, delusional. There’s a place for being positive, but I think you have to work your way, towards it first. It can be a tortuous road.

    On the practical front, do you have a decent doughnut cushion to sit on, it’s a bit like a big Polo mint? You might have to stuff something comfortable in the hole in the middle. They were used to reduce the affects of numb bum and pressure build up.

    Also, I have found that a long (ish) roll shaped cushion filled with some kind of beads, not foam, can be useful for flexibly shaping up fairly comfortably in different areas of say, lower back, or, for support, under thighs, so, taking pressure off them for a bit.

    Dare I mention an air – filled rubber cushion, not over firmly air-filled and not exactly a whoopee cushion either. Perhaps a bike tyre inner tube might do the trick. It may allow for a little fidgeting to keep a bit of suppleness going while you’re working in one place. It may also be flexible enough to assist with getting up. (I’m not suggesting a full blown balance ball to sit on, unless you want one). I suppose any of these ideas could be tried out in conjunction with a dining chair of the type you like.

    Hope these ideas will help.


    Liked by 1 person

    • AnneMarie

      April 14, 2017 at 6:00 pm

      Some brilliant suggestions there. My problem is the physics and gravity of getting up right. Any bent joint is a weakness that doesn’t hold. Finding an office style chair that rises up, holding my weight until I am straight and ‘locked’ enough for me to risk putting my full weight on my feet and not concertina-ing to the floor is a tricky one. There is likely a solution out there, but I am just too tired of the struggle, the time everything takes, whether home trials can be done etc. I want a Mary Poppins, finger-click, spit-spot resolution, now (pouts and taps foot in annoyance, lol)


  3. menhir1

    April 14, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    Foot/ankle concertina is a tricky and painful one when it happens.

    A departed relative of mine who was very distorted with physical issues, bought a super duper hinged and folding walker with good brakes and its wheel tyres were good too. It was the nearest thing I had seen to an all-singing-and dancing walker, as the saying goes. It was well made. What impressed me most was the way he used the seat. When out in a café, away would go the provided customer chair and he would turn the walker round so that the handles became arm rests during the period he sat on his own seat at the table. After he would release the brakes a bit, (can’t say by how much) reverse the chair a little using his bum then ease himself out still holding the walker, so as to turn it around to support his walking again, It was a super technique he had.

    An aside here, this is the simplified version of the story: a physiotherapist wanted me to order a similar walker for a female relative who had never experienced the use of wheels and brakes, nor any type of walking frame. I was annoyed, because there was no attempt to asses appropriate needs. Eventually, the Physio admitted that at least if the walker was not used ‘much’, but was on the premises, once the lady had *gone*, [ read that to mean died] the equipment would be available for the care home to place in its stores for its own use. What a way to try and obtain spares!


    Liked by 1 person

    • AnneMarie

      April 14, 2017 at 10:08 pm

      Physios and Occ Health peeps have become medical catalogue sales reps. In the old days they were engineers and could bash stuff about and bodge bits together to suit the individual needs, but now they cannot. Trouble is disability is not a one size fits all thang. The absolute cartwheels I went through about a shower chair were worthy of circus skills!


  4. deacongill

    April 15, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    That left me in awe of your resilience and perseverance and entirely sympathetic to your fury and frustration. There was a lady who came to our church in an amazing wheel chair which could lift her into an upright position as well, without her needing muscles that didn’t do the job any more. Any good for you?


    • AnneMarie

      April 15, 2017 at 1:35 pm

      Not yet. It is vital to keep using the muscles for as long as they will comply. Eventually I’ll be needing such a chair, but that will also mean moving house as there’d be insufficient room here – not a rigmarole I’m relishing as by then there will likely be no suitably adapted rentable/social/housing association accommodation available.


      • deacongill

        April 15, 2017 at 3:56 pm

        I see. Here’s hoping that you find a way forward, and that the right accommodation becomes available at the right time for you xx

        Liked by 1 person

  5. JustAChristian

    April 15, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    I’m sorry all of this is happening. I wish there was something I could say or do to make things right, but there’s not. I can at least say that I hope that this is a temporary problem having to do with the brace or other passing issues. It’s hard caring so much about you and being so far away where I can’t help at all.

    Liked by 1 person


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