Dearly Departed

16 Dec

It has been a strange few days.  

At the weekend it was the twenty fifth anniversary of my Mother-in-law [to be]’s murder at the hand of her husband.  Chaos, turmoil and much emotion across that christmas and new year, many relationships strained to breaking point, as indeed mine was with my fiancé.  She was a lovely, giving lady and did not deserve what happened and has missed out on so much because of it.

Sunday my Big Sis got a telephone call from a cousin, she knew instantly she heard his voice the reason for the call. Our Uncle [callers father] had died.  What we were not prepared for was the next bit ….. in July ….. FIVE FARKIN MONTHS AGO!!!  When Big Sis gave me the news I was fuming, livid and ready to be done with all of them.  I regularly write to my Aunts and Cousins and over the past thirty three years have resigned to never getting a reply, but this is not the first time we have been forgotten, it took three years for someone to mention to us that another uncle had passed [we were still sending cards and writing letters], at least three other family members have passed that we did not hear about until months after. It has upset me in an agitated, aggrieved, annoyed and downright angry way.

Yesterday was the funeral of my Dad’s best mate.  It does not feel right to say it was enjoyable but, it was, there was mirth and laughter as we shared stories, catching up with faces not seen in many, many, many years [why it is my face they remember, because I don’t remember them! Name badges should be obligatory at these things].  It was a noon ‘do’ and before a chance for a second coffee the sunlight was dimming and christmas lights were lighting.  I’ll always recall Bob, his face a glint with glee as he sound effected his way through an engine issue that gave the inanimate object such character and personality.  

So, there we are, the dreaded time is drawing near, freezer logistics [cross between tetras and jenga], grocery lists, sticky tape battles and frantic posting of last minute card because someone you posted to has changed address – oh the joys!!


Posted by on December 16, 2014 in Uncategorized



6 responses to “Dearly Departed

  1. KEGGY

    December 16, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    Families can be difficult at the best of times, but Christmas seems to heighten any bad feelings. We are all fed this ideal Christmas of happy families that we see on TV, so that anything less leads to disappointment.
    Glad to hear that you were able to celebrate the life of your dad’s friend. You clearly have many fond memories of him x


    • amgroves

      December 16, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      Many, many, including suck-squeeze-bang-blow 😀

      [injection, compression, ignition, exhaustion, the workings of the internal combustion engine – these things do stay]


  2. gillyk

    December 16, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    What a traumatic time your family has had – I’m so sorry. It would take a long time to get over something like that, if ever.

    As for relations … what are they like :crazy: I have discovered a cousin here in the town, she knew we had moved here but never got in touch … eventually I did, and suggested a time to meet, but it wasn’t convenient and she never got back to me with an alternative. I finally managed it this week – but it was really hard work. We were made welcome but she’s shy and she can’t carry on a conversation at all. Ah well, we’ve established contact!


    • amgroves

      December 19, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      I thin the reason these things affect me so much is because they are my links and markers to who I am and where I came from and the people I feel affiliated with. I said as much to my BFF that I feel as if I am becoming detached from the world, that as more strings are broken I am likely to fly off into singular obscurity. If that makes any kind of sense.


  3. Bushka

    December 16, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Ahhhh…What a shame! The way of far too many families/relatives. 🙄 Can be/often is gut wrenching…..HUGS! xxx


    • amgroves

      December 19, 2014 at 12:09 pm

      It all feels a bit out of sight out of mind 😦



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