Transient Flux

We tend to think of life as a fixed thing when really it is in a constant mode of change.  As humans we get nervous and anxious about changes [whether positive or negative, choice or imposed], we fret and second guess even when it is something thrilling and exciting that is about to happen.  Curious – but that is the human creature for sure, curious in all definitions of the word.

I was thinking about all the people who have crossed my path, how at my primary school all the pupils, parents and teachers, bus drivers, dinner ladies, we were a community.  At middle school the number grew but the people I knew shrunk, less parents, just my class number and again at high school, the sense of community was lost as you walked the academia towards exams and grown up life.  Living in a small village and literally the only child, all the people who moved in and out.  All the people who died, links to exotic places and dangerous times.

When I ventured out into the working world, I met so many people, work colleagues, student, general public, consultants, technicians.  I was a temp for a number of years, going into places where the previous temp had stuffed up, I was a peace maker, a reputation restorer in all manner of industries and all manner of size businesses.  Working on the Estate brought me into contact with the most general public and Joe Public on holiday is a pain in the arse! But I fondly recall the day dressed as a belly dancer, the day I baby sat a hedgehog, the early mornings when no one else was there, just me and the geese, the event days when thousands were bustling around.

At my final job I worked in a building with about 100+ people, I knew their names and faces and then knew mine.  It was not the same as friends, we did not all socialise, but we knew each other well enough to be convivial, to small talk and be friendly.  There was never a sense of being outcast or not fitting.  Interaction with the world.

Now though, I see and speak to just two people in any given week.  Even when out and about in the wheelchair I feel detached because I am lower than those standing around me, conversations go on literally over my head.  People step in front of me or quickly pull up sharp because they have not noticed something could be in that gap that is at their head height.  It must be terrifying for little kids, making their way through the forest of giants.

Even online things have shrunk.  Once upon a decade ago I would have three if not four chat windows open, talking with regular chatters, people who became online friends, daily there would be emails from people, just chatting, catching up, discussing.  But not now, nothing. You begin to feel forgotten or ignored or invisible, you are standing still and the world busies at its fast pace bypassing you.

Things change, people change, life changes and we are never ready for it.