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Heart Heavy

09 May
hearty

I feel weighed down today by things that have been happening, and by this year in general.  I am guilty of taking things to heart too often and hiding that hurt with a smile and non-judgemental understanding and tolerance.  I rarely let anyone under my skin, I have only ever truly done that with two people and both have left an impression, a wealth of memories and an abundance of pain.  In no way do I blame them or resent them, I take responsibility for investing too much in them.

Still it bleeds into my psyche, it undermines my self perception, it feeds my self deprecation, it shines on the fact that all my activity and interest and people are in my past.  My weakening health has stopped me still in a world that has moved on, I cannot keep up, only fall back.

For once a positive is having a negative affect.  I have something truly wonderful that is something to work towards [sorry to be cryptic, might be able to reveal later], something encouraging and rewarding and energizing, but no, the hurdles and hoops are tripping me at every turn.

I have no idea what to do and no energy or motivation to seek it, grasp it and fight for it.

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12 Comments

Posted by on May 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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12 responses to “Heart Heavy

  1. c1a2c3t4u5s6

    May 9, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    I so understand how you feel, I am having a bit of an anxious time right now and feeling very low.

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    • amgroves

      May 10, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      I have to summon the strength to battle it from somewhere, somehow.

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  2. gillyk

    May 9, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    You sound very low, Ann 😦 I’m so sorry that you do. Maybe you’re just being more honest than usual, and letting us see how you really feel. Glad that there’s good news on the way. Hugs xx

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    • amgroves

      May 10, 2014 at 1:49 pm

      Thank you Gill. Yes I am lower than usual and not good at keeping the mask in place. I have to try and find somewhere to dig myself up, but when everything everyday is energy zapping struggle, it is going to be tough.

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  3. Bushka

    May 9, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    HUGS! More HUGS! xxxxx

    Like

     
  4. foxhat

    May 9, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    Someone once told me I have to accept how I feel today.
    Tomorrow is another country.
    Hope it works for you.

    Like

     
    • amgroves

      May 10, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      The emotional investment I put into something does keep me tied to it, I should learnt be harder of heart and hold on less 😦

      Like

       
  5. Kim

    May 13, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    I cannot find a button to subscribe to your blog. It would be helpful if I could so as not to miss any posts. Thank you.

    Like

     
    • amgroves

      May 15, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      Sorry for the delay, I will add your email address.

      There are loads of issues on this site, with fake blogs, spam comments, posts not posting, new blogs entries not showing on the hone page, members feeds etc. email notifications are wonky too, I didn’t get the one about moderating comments either 😦

      Like

       
  6. Connie Cerned

    May 26, 2014 at 4:24 am

    feeling any perkier?

    Like

     
    • amgroves

      May 27, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      Yes thank you, recovering nicely 🙂

      Like

       

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