Dredging for the unknown

13 Feb

I do not know why but the general mood of ‘meh’ or the newly named ‘cantbearsedness’ has become deeply entrenched.  When you have something to do that has a purpose and a deadline you can chivvy or argue with yourself to get on with it, the birthday present I am working on has a purpose [it is a gift for someone] and has a deadline [their birthday date], but when it comes to everything else I simply cannot dredge up enough enthusiasm to attempt a spark of motivation.

Could the reason be the time of year, the age I am approaching, the mundane-ness of life, the insular nature of my disease … all these and a few more no doubt; yet this year I am almost do not care if anyone notices I have not washed my hair or opened the curtains before lunch time.  When I had a rather glum-drum period my friend challenged me to write in a book something good about each day, not matter how slight or trivial, it did not work, the headache of searching through the day and finding something became so uttery tedious and what I did write became monotonous and trivial.

Recently a friend asked why I didn’t take a holiday – well because it changes nothing, the researching and deciding where to go, the organising of the getting there, the packing and going, the time there are all so utterly draining and they take away the modicum of independance I have at home [things like making ones own coffee or being able to struggle to ones feet off the porcelain throne].  No, the holiday I need would be from my muscle condition, a break somewhere warm and cosy and able to do exactly as I please, when I pleased and not needing anyone else to help. Whether it be a walk, or even a jog, a mooch or a comfortable seat that does not induce numbness or back ache.

I know many of you will want to offer helpful advice, and I do appreciate your concern but when going anywhere or doing anything involves a herculean mountain to climb for the crumb of a cookie, the life balance is all wacked out, and the consequences of such exertion lay me flat for the next couple of days.

I am just being a moany-minny …. come spring/summer/eventually the mood will lighten.


Posted by on February 13, 2014 in Uncategorized



11 responses to “Dredging for the unknown

  1. la_spice

    February 13, 2014 at 11:35 am

    No words of advice as I’m sat here unwashed and in my PJs and dressing gown in a state of ‘cantbearsedness’ too!!!!! And I have no excuses medical or otherwise!!!!

    I can’t even think of blogging either so you’re well ahead ~x~


    • amgroves

      February 13, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      All too often I think, No I won’t blog it will just be a moaning pity party for one 😦

      Just truly fed up with a lot of things right now


      • la_spice

        February 13, 2014 at 12:09 pm

        Perhaps it’s time for a blog party????


      • amgroves

        February 13, 2014 at 12:19 pm

        As lovely as that sounds, I cannot muster up the energy for a half hearted ‘yeh’.

        Off to make some lunch.


      • la_spice

        February 13, 2014 at 12:34 pm

        Ah …. lunch ‘yeh’!!!! 🙂


  2. gillyk

    February 13, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Hugs xx


    • amgroves

      February 14, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Thank you – I am just waiting it out and seizing any glimmer of energy before it dissipates.


  3. Bushka

    February 13, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Since we are ‘geographically’ some distance apart….I send you… HUGS! ;)xx


    • amgroves

      February 14, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Thank you Bushka, you always seem to have sunshine with you 🙂


  4. foxhat

    February 13, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    Cold wet and dreary not just the weather either.
    We all seem exhausted and apathetic at the moment.

    I am putting a fancy dress outfit together which I hope will make me look ridiculous. That usually cheers me up. I will post a photo when I have it all together!

    Hopefully that will raise a smile!


    • amgroves

      February 14, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Now there’s a challenge! I am sure it will.



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