I have never been very good at how to respond to receiving accolades, kudos or appreciation, or even compliments. I am so much better with sarcasm and scathing whit.
I remember a few years ago when hurrying from work to my car my boss’s boss was in the smoking area and said “Oh Janet has been telling me about you” my instant response was “Why what have I done?”. It was simply that the effort put in that week to get a section of backlog done had meant that our section accuracy statistics and clearance rate had jumped comfortably into the green after languishing in the red for so long. As far as I was concerned I was just doing my job and doing what that boss asked me to do.
Going even further back I remember rehearsing for hours for a piano recital, I was to play Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. I was in my teens somewhere, 14/15 ish. Anyway up seated at the shinny black grand piano in the Ballroom of Somerleyton Hall I performed my piece, heart racing, thankful to get through it without bum note or fluffed page turnings and I vividly remember feeling this wave of rapturous applause rolling towards me. I bowed my head and scurried back to my seat almost blushing with embarrassment.
So when this week the guitarist whose web site I look after posted to my Facebook wall a very public message of appreciation, I did not know how to respond. When my boss on TalkMD [I volunteer as a moderator on a web forum] emailed us to say he has nominated us for an award for all the hard work we put in – I thought what hard work? When a poster on that board and put in their post little messages saying [AM mod helped me with that] and [AM taught me how to do that] – again I was stumped as how to feel and reply.
I did my usual ” oh hush, stop, it weren’t nuffin special” replies.
So when the Publications and Communications Manager emailed asking that we moderators each write a 100 word bio of ourselves and why we volunteered for TalkMD and to send a photo as well because it is going in the next edition of the Target MD publication, I am like . I have not done anything significant, I am not standing out there in the rain trying to rattle a collection bucket in a none harrasing way. I am not scaling a great wall or doing a wheelchair marathon.
I am not worthy.